daily haiku
late january
sun rises and stays all day
I see earth once more
Three days of sunshine - my body and mind begin to relax. All those grey days seem to leech all the energy out of my soul and I can understand those who suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD) The light has changed, how, I can't discern. I just know that it registered a change in my brain at a subtle level and it feels good.
55° today and at last the path to the house thawed. I was able to get to the log pile without worrying about falling and dying in a snow bank. I brought up smaller logs to the back door that I use to start the evening fire and restacked the pile ready for probable snow this weekend.
Before the snow thawed, my emotions thawed and the pain came flooding in again. While I know the grief process pretty well, it doesn't stop the shock and surprise when I enter a new phase; but knowing assures me it will gradually end. With that knowledge comes ambivalence. I don't want to lose the connection to Peter that the pain gives me. However since I don't have the choice I'll take it a day at a time, the way that it comes, and be thankful for all the wonderful memories that cause it.
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